Self–esteem is one of the most important components of personality. These are our ideas about our importance, personal qualities, actions, advantages and disadvantages.
Unfortunately, their formation is influenced by a number of external factors − and many of them are destructive. Well, to get away from worries and have fun, you can visit ivibet casino.
The Inseparability of Personality and Action
Education is largely responsible for the formation of a healthy self-esteem in a person. Parents are our first “evaluators”, they are the ones who form the basic models of our attitude to our own personality.
And, unfortunately, most moms and dads “unite” the child with his behavior and actions during upbringing:
“You broke the vase, bad boy!+punishment” instead of “You broke a vase, and this is a bad act. You can’t do that, because (…). You will have to be punished for your actions. But I still love you, because you are my child”
Parents do not want to waste time explaining the reasons for their discontent and telling about the consequences of the act. It is much easier to “play” on bright negative emotions – to shout, punish and even humiliate.
But it is very difficult for a small child to draw parallels between a misdemeanor and parental anger, to independently guess about all the unspoken reasons for punishment. He isolates the main thing from the situation – “I’m bad, I only bring inconvenience.”
Moreover, over time, this installation stuck in the head becomes an additional reason for violating the rules:
“I’m already bad, I have nothing to lose”
Pressure on Shame, Focus On Negativity and Double Messages
In the process of education, many parents (and school teachers) use “punishment with shame” and excessive criticism. Often this is done consciously, out of “good” motives – adults want to make the child stronger and more responsible.
How it looks like:
“You have committed a misdemeanor, shame on you! Don’t show your face to me” (contempt and ignoring)
“Yes, you got a B, but you could have done the task for A!”, “You could have done more, you’re an excellent student!” (ignoring real achievements and overestimating expectations)
“You have to be the best in the class/group!”
And on the other side of the coin of excessive criticism there are “double” messages – the child is praised, as it were, but overstated requirements are still read between the lines:
“You have to be the best in school/class!”
“I know you’re the best! You have to prove it to everyone”
Yes, such harsh methods can really improve academic performance. But the child quickly adopts the parental attitude and learns to blame himself for the slightest offenses.
“Love Must Be Earned”
In a dysfunctional family, a child is also taught that parental love and warmth must be earned – help around the house, calm behavior, required achievements (first it’s school performance, later − career, family building).
This is how a person’s self-esteem is formed, completely dependent on the attitude of others.
The child does not learn to analyze his personal needs, desires and ambitions. He gets used to reading and fulfilling the requirements of other people, and learns to be “convenient”.
The situation is aggravated by the ideology of collectivism, which is still popular in our society.
“You need to share”, “You need to think about others first”, “You can’t be selfish”
These attitudes are instilled from childhood. First − in cartoons about the value of mutual assistance. Parents rarely watch them with their children and do not talk about the fact that along with taking care of others, there is also taking care of oneself, which is also important. Then − on the playground, where a caring mother gives the baby’s favorite toy to someone else’s child and scolds him for crying. Later – when choosing a hobby and a future profession, parents focus not on the personal predispositions of the child, but on practicality and value for the family.